Most people understand that we live in an era of extreme political and cultural polarization and our country is suffering terribly as a result. It has been going on for the last 25 years, and it’s easy to forget that it hasn’t always been like this nor does it have to be.
Sadly, the polarization has been extended to mothering using many of the same tactics that were deliberately contrived to promote political polarization. Many mothers and babies are suffering terribly as a result.
Lactivsts, like gun rights activists, are extremists.
To understand what is going on in the world of mothering, it helps to review what is going on in the world of politics. It is critical to recognize that the current state of political polarization is not an accident. Certain politicians have manipulated people in order to get elected. How? They have promoted “identities,” created “threats,” stoked grievances, encouraged a sense of victimization, and constructed compromise as sell-out.
Consider members of the National Rifle Association. For 25 years, despite increasingly lax gun policies and soaring numbers of gun massacres, the members of the NRA tell each other that they face the “threat” of all guns being banned, that they are being victimized by anyone who wants common sense gun restrictions, that they must perpetually march loaded down with weaponry to display their sense of grievance and that they must never, ever compromise on their demands.
Gun rights activism isn’t merely a choice of many NRA supporters. It is their tribe and their identity. And the outsize anger of NRA members and their vicious treatment and portrayal of anyone who disagrees is a feature of gun rights activism, not a bug.
Consider extreme evangelicals. Christianity has NEVER been under threat in this country. Yet evangelical leaders tell their followers they are facing the threat of religious persecution, that they are victimized daily by “slights” such as someone saying ‘Happy Holidays’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas,’ that they must perpetually pressure their political leaders by displaying an unending sense of grievance and that compromise isn’t merely forbidden, it is satanic.
Evangelical fervor isn’t merely the religious belief of evangelicals, it is their tribe and their identity. And the outsize anger of extreme evangelicals and their vicious treatment and portrayal of anyone who doesn’t believe as they do is a feature of contemporary evangelical politics, not a bug.
The same techniques are also being used to create extremism in mothering.
Consider lactivism. Lactivism is NOT merely support for breastfeeding. Lactivism is the cultural belief that all babies “deserve” breastmilk, that all mothers should breastfeed, that breastfeeding should be normative (and formula feeding portrayed as deviant) and to the extent that other mothers can’t or choose not to breastfeed, they are the unwitting, uneducated dupes of large multinational corporations.
Spend more than two minutes with any lactivist leader or on any lactivist blog or Facebook page and you will see the techniques designed to create political extremism used over and over again.
Even though there has NEVER been more professional and institutional support for breastfeeding, lactivists imagine they live in a world of unending “threat” to breastfeeding, that they are victimized any time anyone proposes common sense breastfeeding policies (e.g. acknowledging that insufficient breastmilk is common). They perpetually display their endless sense of grievance by demonizing women who can’t or don’t wish to breastfeed and they view any form of compassion for women who make different choices as a sign of insufficient ideological fervor.
Lactivism isn’t merely a choice, it is the tribe and the identity of lactivists. And the outsize anger of lactivists and their vicious treatment and deliberate mischaracterization of anyone who is not a lactivist (they “hate breastfeeding”!!) is a feature of contemporary lactivism, not a bug.
Consider midwives, doulas and childbirth educators, particularly those from the UK and Australia. Spend any time with any midwifery leader or on any birth blog or Facebook page and you will see the techniques designed to foster political extremism deployed repeatedly.
There has never been more professional and institutional support for (cruelly named) ‘normal birth,’ yet contemporary birth workers pretend they live in a world of unending “threat” to unmedicated vaginal birth without interventions. They insist that they are being victimized any time someone points out that birth is inherently quite dangerous for babies and mothers. They perpetually display their endless sense of grievance by demonizing obstetricians as well as women who make different choices; it’s difficult to imagine anything more vicious and cruel than insisting on psychological evaluation of women who choose C-section on request. They view any form of compromise with obstetricians, neonatologists and pediatricians as betrayal of fundamental beliefs.
Promoting “normal birth” isn’t merely the occupation of many midwives and birth workers, it is their tribe and their identity. And the outsize anger of birth workers and deliberate mischaracterization of anyone who can’t or chooses not to pursue unmedicated vaginal birth without interventions (they “want everyone to have a C-section!!”) is a feature of contemporary midwifery and childbirth care, not a bug.
If you want to see the awesome power of extremist politics, just look at the mask “debate.” Right wing extremists aren’t merely willing to overlook the massive disaster perpetuated by the current governing party’s willingness to ignore science and tolerate both the deaths and the economic destruction of anyone besides its wealthiest members. The party’s extremists are willing to bring their own world view in line with the party even though the party is literally killing them. Refusing to wear a mask has become a sign of fealty to extremism.
Easing the current political extremism is beyond my purview, but I do have ideas for addressing the current tribalism among mothers. Lactivists, midwives and birth workers need to understand the ways they have been manipulated toward extremism. Neither breastfeeding nor vaginal birth are being threatened. Women who make different choices are not victimizing them. They should drop their outsize sense of grievance and welcome compromise for what it is — the stepping stone to a better world, not a betrayal of first principles.
I’m not hopeful that those who have tied their identity to lactivism and birth work will be willing to moderate their extremism. But fortunately we don’t have to wait for them. Individual mothers who deviate from lactivist and birth orthodoxy should recognize that making choices that benefit themselves and their children is more likely to lead to thriving families than attempting to placate those have situated their identity in and pledged their fealty to mothering extremism. After all, a thriving family is the ultimate goal.
