Hi, folks! Jack Daniels here, spokesperson for CPRDD, the Committee to Promote Responsible Drunk Driving.
I’m sure you’ve seen newspaper accounts of horrific crashes that happened after someone drove drunk, but I’m here to tell you that just because a person died or killed someone else while driving drunk, does NOT mean that drunk driving led to those deaths.
Surprised? I’ll bet you are. But that’s because you’ve been subjected to the blandishments of Big Medicine working tirelessly to marginalize the role of alcohol in treating medical ailments. For hundreds of years surgery, from amputations to tumor removals, was performed with alcohol as the only anesthetic. Then along came doctors who could not tolerate the economic competition and marginalized medicinal use of alcohol just to protect their own incomes.
How do we know that drunk driving is a safe and responsible choice? There are many reasons, but before I list them, I want to give thanks to Ima Frawde, CPM (certified professional mask denialist) and her colleagues who have come up with these fabulous arguments; I’ve merely adapted them for drunk driving.
1. Sober drivers die, too.
If you listen to those shills from Big Medicine, you’d think that no one sober ever dies in a car accident. Sure some drunk drivers are killed or kill others, but that hardly means that driving sober can guarantee that you will live. Ice is a major cause of car accidents; fog is another, but no one tries to demonize ice or fog the way that they demonize drunk driving.
2. Over 99% of drunk drivers will make it home without killing themselves or others.
Sure, you see reports of spectacular drunk driving accidents blaring from newspapers and TV, but those are the rare cases. As the many, many people who have successfully driven drunk can tell you, most drunk drivers will arrive home safely.
3. Even when they crash, the death rate for drunk drivers and the people they hit is low.
To hear Big Medicine tell it, everyone who drives drunk will end up dead, but since that’s obviously untrue, drunk driving must be safe!
4. The people killed by drunk drivers often have pre-existing conditions.
We’ve all heard about people hit by a drunk driver who survived the initial accident but then died in the hospital of a heart attack or a complication of the surgery designed to save them. We can’t blame drunk drivers for their deaths! We must blame their underlying fragile health
5. God is my co-pilot
Nothing happens that God does not intend should happen. If He wants a drunk driver to arrive home safely, it will happen. If the drunk driver dies or kills someone that surely means that God intended those deaths.
6. Freedom!!!
Who is the government or Big Medicine to tell me that I can’t care for myself in the way that I think is best? Making sober driving mandatory is the first step toward world domination by jack booted thugs who will implant us all with data chips to control our minds.
There you have it, folks. These are just six of many reasons why drunk driving is safe. The next time you’re thinking about drinking and driving, remember, if those arguments are good enough to promote mask refusal, they’re good enough to promote anything.
