Naomi Desir endured an excruciating labor at home only to learn that her homebirth midwife had no idea that baby Boaz had died days before labor began. Naomi wrote to me: “I want to tell you my story so I can hopefully help other people understand the dangers of home birth and direct entry midwives. “
I was once naive and foolish to think that home birth was safe and that it had better outcomes for mom and baby than hospital births. I bought into all of the lies, brainwashing, and bullshit you talk about so often on skepticalob. I trusted the wrong people and I have to live with the consequences of my mistake for the rest of my life. The trauma and the loss has changed me forever. At the very least I hope my story will help change the mind of some mom to be out there who is considering having a home birth with a midwife.
[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Sweet baby Boaz is gone forever. And I am changed forever.[/pullquote]
Moreover, I need to be heard. I need to tell my story. I have had very little voice since this tragedy. I feel that the people who matter to me the most don’t believe me, they don’t think there is any legitimacy or reality to my story, nor are they able to see the reckless incompetence of midwives and the dangers of home birth. I hope someone will listen.
In 2014 I had a home birth attended by a DEM, I was 41 weeks and 4 days pregnant. My midwife did no fetal monitoring or vaginal exams prior to me going into labor. Like so many oblivious midwives, she never saw my babies demise coming.
I went into labor very early in the morning. My contractions started out strong and came one right after the other; I could barely catch my breath. It didn’t take long for the fatigue and pain to become unbearable.
As the hours passed my contractions and fatigue only got worse. So there I was in a tub full of luke warm water pushing in agony; I was so exhausted I fell asleep in between contractions and pushing. My midwife ignored my exhaustion and instructed me to get out of the tub; she then had me move in various positions in hope of helping the baby reposition, it was torture and completely useless.
At some point during me moving this way and that way the midwife no longer was able to find babies heartbeat so she frantically called 911. Somehow I was able to get out of bed to prepare to go to the hospital, as I did this I felt something wet trickle down my legs, so I looked down and saw blood dripping down my legs and on to the carpet. I knew it was way too late for him; my son was dead.
In her wisdom, the midwife speculated that I had a prolapsed cord that was causing the loss of the heartbeat; this too was an incorrect assumption. However, she attempted to mitigate the problem by sticking her fingers into my vagina while I was on all fours with my head faced down. I rode all the way to the hospital this way. I screamed in pain and agony the entire ride to the hospital.
When we arrived at the hospital I exited the ambulance the same way I entered it. The nurses scrambled to get me into the hospital room. I was immediately taken back for an ultrasound and the doctor confirmed what I already knew, there was no heartbeat, our son was dead.
I continued to contract and push, (with my midwife standing at the end of the bed telling me how I don’t want a c-section because they are really difficult to recover from). I ended up having the unavoidable c-section. After hours of painful and non-productive pushing, all due to me being convinced and persuaded that vaginal birth was best, I finally caved. My body could no longer take it. I was practically begging for a c section at that point; I Was convulsing In pain and I just wanted to stop.
After somewhere between 20-24hrs baby Boaz was delivered via c-section. He was 9lbs 3oz, and 22.5in long; he was perfect, and he was gone forever. We found out later that our son was believed to have died days before I went into labor. There was never a heartbeat to monitor or lose; baby Boaz was already dead and the midwife never realized it; she was dumb founded.
The doctors said I had massive infection and was going septic. My recovery was long, I was in the hospital for a week and recovering at home for weeks after. My husband held our lifeless son, he bathed and kissed him, and wept, he said goodbye. I, however, was not able to hold Boaz for more than a couple of minutes and I barely looked at him; I was afraid to. I didn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t say goodbye. Sweet baby Boaz is gone forever. And I am changed forever.
I would hope that you will share my story on your website, and I hope someone listens.
