There’s a vile sanctimommy screed currently making the rounds. If You Don’t Breastfeed, I’m Judging the Hell Out of You by Alex Alexander is a perfect example of hatefulness masquerading as concern for babies.
But if you never even tried — if your baby’s mouth never met nipple, for reasons of personal choice that have nothing to do with health — I’m judging you. That’s right. You should’ve at least given breastfeeding a chance. And if you didn’t, you made a big parenting mistake and we all have the right to judge you for it.
There’s a dark part of the human psyche that glories in social sanctioned bullying. It’s ugly when religious fundamentalists do it; it’s ugly when sexual prudes do it; and it’s equally ugly when Sanctimommies do it.
Of course, the bullies have self-justification at the ready.
You’re a mammal. You’re built to lactate. When it fails, that’s sad. When it’s ignored, that’s a travesty defying nature and human biology. Why do you think your breasts became engorged? It wasn’t for kicks. Your doctor had to drug you to dry you up. That’s because you should be nursing your newborn.
[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]Ms. Alexander, I’m judging YOU. For your monstrous ego, for your ugly sanctimony, and for your vicious sexism.[/pullquote]
That’s the battle cry of biological essentialists everywhere.
What are biological essentialists? They are people who believe that women should be defined by and restricted to their biological functions.
They hate and fear powerful women and say things like:
You’re a woman. You’re built to have babies. When you fail to do so, that’s sad. When you ignore your biological destiny to get an education, demand economic rights or political equality, that’s a travesty denying nature and human biology. Why do you think you menstruate? It isn’t for kicks. It’s because you are supposed to be pregnant, nursing or nurturing children.
Or:
You’re a woman. You’re built to get pregnant. When you fail to do so, that’s sad. When you circumvent your biological destiny by using birth control or terminating a pregnancy, that’s a travesty denying nature and human biology. Why do you think you have ovaries? It isn’t for kicks. It’s because you are supposed to get pregnant each and every month you have sex.
Homophobes are also biological essentialists. They hate lesbians and they say things like:
You’re a woman. You’re built to have penetrative intercourse with a man. When you have sex with another woman instead, that’s sad. When it’s ignored, that’s a travesty defying nature and human biology. Why do you think you have a vagina? It isn’t for kicks. It’s supposed to be for male sexual pleasure.
Ms. Alexander, you judge women who don’t breastfeed; you are a biological essentialist and therefore, I’m judging the hell out of YOU.
Who are you to declare that biology is destiny? Do you use birth control? If so, you’re a hypocrite.
According to Alexander:
You made a choice to carry a baby for nine months. You made a choice to birth a human infant. With choice come responsibility. Your responsibilities don’t end when you squirt out that watermelon-sized, wailing baby. You have an obligation to provide that baby with at least some breast milk.
An obligation? Why? It can’t be because breastfeeding provides extraordinary benefits. In countries with clean water supplies, like the US, the benefits of breastfeeding for term babies are trivial, a few less colds and episodes of diarrhea each year for the entire population of babies under 1 year of age.
Nursing involves more than just milk; it’s also about bonding and skin-to-skin contact and all those lovely hormones you release. You and your baby deserve those things.
Bullshit. There is no scientific evidence of any kind that breastfeeding or skin to skin contact is required for mother infant bonding.
When mom is exposed to a germ, she starts making antibodies against it. There’s evidence that a mother’s immunities to, for example, the flu, protect her baby for a certain amount of time.
Bullshit. Most antibodies are Immunoglobin G antibodies (IgG); they pass through the placenta, but DON’T pass through breastmilk. Only IgA passes through breastmilk; that’s what’s responsible for the fewer colds and episodes of diarrhea. It doesn’t protect against other illnesses.
Ms. Alexander, your “philosophy” is vile and the way you express it is repugnant:
But maybe you just think breastfeeding is icky. Maybe you don’t want a baby touching what you think is just for your partner. Maybe you think it’s primitive and disgusting.
In that case, you need to check your body image. Women’s breasts were made not as fun bags, but as baby-feeders. If you think breastfeeding is nasty, you’re denigrating an important function of your own body and turning your misaligned sense of female sexuality onto your own body. You need therapy, not baby formula.
No, Ms. Alexander. You need to check your self-righteousness. Women’s bodies were not made for others to control them. Women’s right to bodily autonomy does not get expelled with the placenta. If you think you have the right to impose your values on other women YOU are the one who needs help and education.
So yes, mom who never put her baby to her breast, I’m judging you. Sent your baby to the nursery instead of nursing? You made a poor parenting choice…
So, yes, Ms. Alexander, I’m judging YOU. For your monstrous ego, for your ugly sanctimony, and for your vicious sexism. You are no different from misogynists, religious extremists and homophobes who believe they have a right to control women’s bodies.
You’re just another judgmental, self-satisfied prig glorying in hatred of anyone who does live her life mirroring your own choices back to you.
You should be ashamed … but you appear to lack the insight to understand that in your desperation to glorify yourself you are trampling on other women and their rights.
