The Mother-Whore dichotomy ought to be dead.
It was proposed by Sigmund Freud to explain a tendency for men to characterize women as either asexual, nurturing and worthy of respect or sexually attractive. Unfortunately, the Mother-Whore dichotomy is alive and well and being aggressively promoted by the lactivism community.
If you spend any time reading lactivist books, blogs and webpages, you will be struck by the fact that the issue that appears to generate the most angst is public breastfeeding.
[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”#999999″ class=”” size=””]The woman who views her breasts as primarily for feeding is a Mother, and a woman who views them as a source of sexual pleasure is a Whore.[/pullquote]
The latest example is the confrontation between actress Alyssa Milano (Mother) and talk show host Wendy Williams (Whore).
This characterization of the face-off appears to be represent the lactivist view:
Alyssa Milano shut down Wendy Williams on the subject of breastfeeding when she appeared on her talk show. Alyssa has been advocate of nursing babies since she began posting photos of herself on Instagram breastfeeding her 1-year-old daughter, Elizabella.
Williams told Milano that breasts are meant to feed babies for a certain amount of time, but other times they’re considered a sexual part of the body. Alyssa Milano shut down Wendy Williams by saying it’s society’s fault for creating that stigma.
Williams called breasts “fun bags” and that she did breastfeed, but did it for a very short amount of time and in private. The talk show host told Milano that she doesn’t want to see breastfeeding in public. 43-year-old Alyssa insisted that it’s that type of attitude that makes this such a hot button issue.
As quoted by People.com, Milano uttered these immortal “Mother” words:
Biologically they’re not made for sexual things, that’s what we’ve done to them.
And Williams responded with what lactivists imply are “Whore” words:
Breastfeeding is only a particular amount of time. The rest of your life, your breasts are sexual things.
The truth, as most people will recognize, is that Milano’s claim is absurd and that Williams is far more accurate in acknowledging that breasts ARE sexual, have always been sexual and will continue to be sexual.
Milano not only knows this, but as this photo from the Starpulse piece makes clear, she wields it to her own advantage:
So why did Milano make such a ridiculous statement? I would argue that it reflects that natural parenting desire to neuter women, to see them as either mothers or whores and to flat out refuse to acknowledge that women who are mothers still have sexual needs.
Women who request C-sections to preserve vaginal integrity and reduce the chances of incontinence are derided as giving into pressure to protect a male sexual pleasure. Women who find breastfeeding uncomfortable because they consider their breasts to be exclusively sexual are derided as brain washed. Women who don’t want to share the marital bed with infants as well as husbands/partners are derided as bad mothers obsessed with sexuality.
Apparently the woman who welcomes a vaginal tear is a Mother, and a woman who wants to avoid the tear, the stitches, the pain, the potential loss of sexual pleasure is a Whore.
The woman who views her breasts as primarily for feeding is a Mother, and a woman who views them as a source of sexual pleasure is a Whore.
The woman who kicks her husband/partner out of the marital bed to promote “bonding” is a Mother, and a woman who values sexual intimacy with her partner is a Whore.
The Mother-Whore dichotomy itself is deeply sexist and reflects lactivist discomfort with female sexuality. Mothers must be sexually neutered or else they are whores.
But that’s not the only ugly stereotype at play in this confrontation. Casting Milano, the white woman, as the Mother and Williams, the black woman, as the Whore is a grotesque racist trope. Eugenicists have long portrayed black (“primitive”) women as hypersexual and white women as civilized and demure. Lactivists consciously or unconsciously reinforce those stereotypes in publicizing the confrontation.
Why are natural parenting advocates in general and lactivists in particular so discomfited by and so dismissive of the sexuality of mothers?
I’m afraid it reflects deeply entrenched sexism, rather ironic for a movement that claims to be about what is best for women.
