I no longer practice medicine, but I sometimes miss it.
One of the reasons is that the amazing thing about practicing medicine is that every time you think you’ve finally seen everything, you see something new. Not just something that you’ve never seen before, either, but something that you could not have even imagined.
Consider a case that came to my attention when I was an attending physician. A young woman came to the evening urgent care clinic at our health center one evening complaining of severe genital pain; so severe, in fact that she could only walk with her legs widely spaced a part.
That walk is a classic sign of a Bartholin’s gland abscess, a fairly common infection of the glands at the outer edge of the vagina. Bacteria can take up residence in the gland and cause an abscess. Even though the abscess is small, it is extremely painful. The wide stance walk is almost a guarantee of the diagnosis. The triage nurse explained the likely diagnosis to the patient and the fact that the abscess could be easily treated. Rather than looking relieved, the patient appeared embarrassed.
[pullquote align=”right” color=”#e80000″]She was right. I couldn’t believe it.[/pullquote]
A physician’s assistant (PA) saw the patient, took the history, which was unremarkable, and started the exam, which was very remarkable. The patient did not have an abscess; she had what appeared to be shallow, but extensive burns around and extending into her vagina. The physician’s assistant was so flustered that she excused herself to call me.
I could not leave the hospital to go to the clinic, because I had a patient in labor who would deliver soon, so I had to rely on the PA’s description. The description certainly fit with that of burns, but I had never seen burns of that kind in any area. Yes, I had seen chemical irritations of various kinds, but it didn’t seem like an injury of this sort was likely to be caused by a new bath soap or detergent.
The PA insisted that the patient’s history was unremarkable, and I insisted that she had not gotten the complete history. It wasn’t her fault; the patient simply didn’t want to reveal what happened. I suggested to the PA that she question the patient about domestic violence, since I had certainly seen vaginal injuries related to violence in the past. I also pointed out that it was important to explain to the patient that we needed to know what happened in order to treat her appropriately.
I was dreading the return phone call, and I imagined all sorts of horrible things that might have happened, but I failed to imagine what really did happen. When the PA called again, she was laughing.
“You’re not going to believe this,” she said, “but the patient accidentally did this to herself with a dildo.”
She was right. I couldn’t believe it. What could the patient have used? I’d heard of all sorts of things in the past: fruit, candles (unlit), and glass bottles, among others, but nothing that could cause burns.
“She used a deodorant stick!”
The patient had used the actual stick of deodorant, which she had pried out of the container (for who knows what reason) and the burns she had were serious chemical burns. We treated her by washing the area to remove any trace of the chemicals and applying the salve typically used for treating burns from gynecologic laser surgery. Oh, and lot’s of pain medication, too, for obvious reasons.
Her treatment plan included her medications, an appointment for follow up, and a recommendation: should she feel the need to use a dildo in the future, she should avoid deodorant, or at least leave it in the container with the cap still on.
