I could almost feel sorry for homebirth advocates. Their need for validation is so desperate, so pathetic, that they view other women’s birth choices through the prism of their own need.
Blogger Milli Hill is a perfect example. You may remember Hill as the fool who made this ridiculous statement:
If you believe everything you read, then you probably think that childbirth is one of the riskiest activities any human can undertake.
Actually, it isn’t, and statistically you’re massively more likely to meet your maker behind the wheel of your motor.
When it was demonstrated to Hill that she has no idea what she is talking about, that childbirth is far more dangerous that getting in a car, and is a leading cause of death of young women and the single most dangerous day of the entire 18 years of childhood, she petulantly responded with this gem:
I don’t say birth is not risky. Life is risky. Picking your nose is risky…
Hill’s ignorance is exceeded only by her desperation. Homebirth advocates like to claim that they are “empowered” by homebirth, but how empowered can you be if you are constantly seeking validation by having others mirror your choices back to you. In her latest piece “Dear Kate, please have a home birth this time!” Hill explains her need:
“Everybody has to make their own choices”, you find yourself saying, but the problem is, if you’ve had a baby out of hospital yourself, you’ve got this secret slightly unhinged alter ego hopping around in your head singing, “Have a home birth! Have a home birth!”. You know it’s best not say this out loud, but the problem is, home birth is so wonderful it’s almost impossible not to be evangelical about it.
Here, Milli, let me help you with that:
“Everybody has to make their own choices”, you find yourself saying, but the problem is, if you’ve had a baby out of hospital yourself, you’ve got this secret slightly unhinged alter ego hopping around in your head desperate to have your own choices mirrored back to you, “Have a home birth! Have a home birth!”. You know it’s best not say this out loud, but the problem is, you are so obsessed with your pathetic need for validation and your own lack of confidence that you desperately need to be evangelical about it.
Like most homebirth advocates, Hill isn’t merely aggressively ignorant about childbirth, she’s evidence resistant. She now knows and has admitted that childbirth is far more dangerous that she ever understood. No matter, she simply ignores the new facts that she has learned because she prefers fantasy to reality:
As a culture we’re completely terrified of birth, mostly as a result of TV documentaries and soaps that portray having a baby as an agonising emergency bloodbath that happens so quick you don’t even have time to remove your tights…
As things stand at the moment, we’re pretty convinced that birth is dangerous, and that most women can’t do it without a spinal block and a team of medics. Home birth is therefore, “brave”.
No, Milli, no one thinks you are brave; they think you are stupid and self-absorbed, but are just too polite to say so.
There’s nothing brave about risking your child’s life for your birth “experience.” There’s nothing brave about pretending that you are educated when you are actually profoundly ignorant, lacking the most basic knowledge about science and statistics. And there’s certainly nothing brave about begging other women to copy you so you can feel better about yourself.
Is the Duchess of Cambridge a good candidate for homebirth? Does he Duchess of Cambridge have any interest in homebirth? Who cares? This isn’t about Kate and what is safe; this is about Milli and what she needs.
And this is where Kate comes in. For a sea change in attitudes, home birth needs an ambassador, and who better than a style icon adored by the world’s press?
I don’t know about Milli, but women who are really empowered don’t need ANYONE to validate the choices that are best for them and their families. They have enough confidence in themselves that don’t need style icons to mirror their choices back to them. There’s a word for that attitude; it’s called “maturity.”
Grow up Milli Hill, and stop looking to other women to make you feel good about yourself.
