With apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein. Sung to the tune of the South Pacific classic “You’ve Got to Be Taught”:
You’ve got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught
From year to year,
It’s got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught.
You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Modern obstetrics is just a charade,
Your quest for experience will be betrayed,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.
You’ve got to be taught to be dismayed
Of the dread intervention cascade,
started by Doc so his golf game gets played,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.
You’ve got to be taught to be portrayed
As a woman whose placenta will never degrade,
Breech, twins or VBAC, be never afraid,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.
You’ve got to be taught to always downgrade
Tests, EFM, heplocks, technology arrayed,
flat on your back you will always be laid,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.
You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
That’s deep at the heart of our clever crusade,
Doctors as evil are often portrayed,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.
You’ve got to be taught our masquerade
As folks for whom blame we will always evade
That’s why our service is always prepaid,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.
You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are term or week thirty eight,
To hate all the people your Facebook friends hate,
You’ve got to be carefully taught!
