It keeps getting harder to parody homebirth and natural childbirth advocates because they continue to do and say things that are ever more outrageous.
I offer the following for your entertainment pleasure. And no, sorry to say, this is not satire.
Carla (“Trust Birth”) Hartley bemoaning a birth video she watched:
Why is the midwife wearing scrubs? Using a Doppler? Why is she dangling her hand in the water? (Water has energy and reacts!) No…she doesn’t need a vaginal exam to see where she is……Why are they all talking? Why the hat????????????? oh for the love of all that is holy, this is their THERE YOU ARE….get out of it….NO NO NO get those scissors away from the cord…..get your hands off the cord…please….I cannot believe what I am seeing…..stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! Don’t tell mamma to take a shower or an herb bath! Baby and mamma need their birthy smells for each other….and don’t clean that blood off the perineum it is healing….Don’t take baby away from mamma….Please…all that measuring and weighing can wait til tomorrow……….get that hat off that baby, take all those clothes off and let baby and mommy be skin to skin PLEASSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE
Oh, the HORROR!!!!!! Ohmygod, Ohmygod, Ohmygod, the HAT!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhh, the midwife’s hand in the water and water has energy and reacts!!!!!!!
Lest you think that Hartley is mere a lone nitwit, consider the 115 “likes.”
They are a veritable who’s who of birth idiots including:
Lori Carr, LM, CPM (Highland Midwife)
Jeanice Barcelo, founder of the forthcoming “Birth of a New Earth Preparatory School for Conscious Procreation.”
Elizabeth Noble, author and self-proclaimed ENNOBLER
Consider the comments.
From Placenta (“Rowan”) Bailey, currently awaiting prosecution in connection with a homebirth death:
I can hardly believe what folks do to themselves sometimes.
Jasmine Krapf:
I do the same thing when I watch birth videos. Lots of yelling and frustration and sometimes punching the couch….yeah, I admit it.
Meredith Ryan:
I only ever search for “unassisted birth” videos but its amazing what passes as that. Suddenly vaginal birth is “unassisted”?! Pissed me right off.
And according to others who can see it, Janet (her dead baby not as traumatic as birth rape) Fraser says in one of her comments that her daughter has been “heckling” birth videos since she was 4 years old.
Her other daughter can’t watch birth videos since she’s dead, as a result of Fraser’s hideous narcissism.
And what precipitated this faux anguish?
According to Sheila Stubbs:
Carla’s rant was triggered by this video I posted. I thought it was very moving to see her squeals of joy and huge outpouring of love while this birth occurred in the midst of everyday family life, though I thought they cut the cord too quickly. I didn’t notice everything Carla ranted about. http://www.cecijane.net/shes-a-girl-just-like-me/
So we have a bunch of birth activists criticizing the video of another birth activist giving birth. Nice!
All I can say is keep those blog entries, Facebook posts, and comments coming.
I could make you look like fools without your help, but it is so much easier to have your assistance!
