I propose a new motto for homebirth midwives:
All I really need to know to be a homebirth midwife I learned before kindergarten.
By the end of kindergarten, most children recognized that their thoughts do not have the power to affect events. Homebirth midwives never learn this. They actually believe that “affirmations” can affect outcomes.
By the end of kindergarten, most children recognize that there is a very great deal that they do not know, but need to learn. Homebirth midwives never learn this.
By the end of kindergarten, most children learn that defying authority is not worthy of praise in and of itself. Homebirth midwives never learn this.
By the end of kindergarten, most children recognize that when you are caught red handed with the disaster that you created, shouting “It’s not my fault” doesn’t get you off the hook. Homebirth midwives never learn this.
By the end of kindergarten, most children realize that there are far more important things in life than getting the “experience” you desire. Homebirth midwives never learn this.
By the end of kindergarten, most children expect that there are consequences for hurting others, whether or not you “didn’t mean it.” Homebirth midwives never learn this and actually insist that they are being “persecuted” when held to the same standards as everyone else..
